School and other things

     I have started the school year. I started it a week ago. I am very busy. I am struggling to manage my time. This is my first experience of public school after first a small private school and then homeschool. I am still adjusting. Loud. Much people. Rigid schedule, but still less rigid than the chairs. A stifling amount of homework. Why do people subject kids to this? Well, I suppose that "life is pain, princess"...
     I am also trying to figure out where I will take my blog. Will I try to find more topics related to Vocaloid (like that post on Cross-Synthesis that I've been silently procrastinating about for months)? Will I share more random writings like it? Will I share more recommendations? Will I share about music things I'm doing? What kind of audience do I want to attract? Will I even continue the blog? I know I originally created it to find other Vocaloid fans, but so far I have had no success at all. I should probably give it more time, but how much time? A couple months? A year? Two? Will time even help? Do I need to promote it more? How? Will that actually succeed in getting more readers, and thus more people interested in Vocaloid who I can talk to? Do I need to do something else entirely to find people to join me sitting in this Vocaloid fandom box? If so, what do I need to do? Do I like running this blog for other reasons? Is it simply an output for my writing in general, and is Vocaloid just one of those things? Should I make it less Vocaloid-centered? If I do that, should I rename it? Redesign it?
     Will anyone even read this post? Is there a point in writing if no one reads it? If a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound? Should I behave as if I have an audience? At what point does the attention I receive count as "an audience?" If it doesn't matter to me whether or not I have readers, then why am I not just putting them in a private Google Doc, instead of doing this publicly and hoping uselessly? Because I think people will like what I have to say? Because I hope people will like what I have to say? What do I have to say?
....

     Wow. That started out as I-am-busy-will-take-break, but when I read over that again, I can just see it gradually getting more existential and insecure. But the point is, I have a lot of questions and not a lot of answers, so I am taking a break from posting for four weeks. By that time, I hope to have at least some of the answers. And I can just go on that. Not having all the answers, but just making do with the knowledge I have. I realize that everyone does that. Is doing that. Will do that. Most of these questions have already been asked by at least somebody, and they have found an answer for their situation. There's nothing to indicate that I am not capable of finding my answer as well.
     So I will take some time, and think. And then I will resume. Thank you for your patience.

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 31, 2019 at 3:08 PM

    I hope you find what you are looking for. Your writing is excellent by any standard, and I believe it deserves a following to match. May your perseverance stand as a luminous beacon for us - all of us - till time unending.
    And know that at least one person reads what you write. And if one is found, why not two or three or ten thousand? I know you will find success. It seems you know that too. All that's left is the how. And that's always the easy part, right?
    Anyway, I read that glyph guide. My glyph wasn't in there. I consulted the librarian, and she bit my leg off. So that's something, at least. Live well. You can do anything - you've already shown that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RiverSeptember 1, 2019 at 2:19 PM

      *sniffs*
      *wipes tears*
      That was absolutely what I needed someone to tell me. That I wouldn't tell myself. Thank you.
      Also, on one of the Discord servers that I'm on, I found someone who has more arcane knowledge than I do, and told them about your symptoms/signs of imminent doom. Apparently, it isn't actually lethal! You may be prone to eruptions of Corruption, floating, and/or glowing, but not much more than the average person. Well, as far as we know...
      Anyway, thank you so much.

      Delete

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